I’m typing this on a roadie, watching CBS Sunday Morning, its familiar opening trumpet a welcome friend in weather so dreary even coffee and donuts can’t overcome its affects. Foggy is cool. But foggy when it’s sprinkling precip? Nah. That’s dreary. Keep that foolery in England. Let’s talk about the games as these segments of Sunday Morning shine away the dreariness.
The first segment is on Liz Cheney and, essentially, how rapidly she became thoroughly unpopular among her constituents once she went against Donny T. She’s worried that we’re “sleepwalking into a dictatorship”. I’m worried the Lions are sleepwalking into mediocrity. Long gone are the guile and indefatigability that defined this team’s early-season success. The Lions have somehow looked more tired and weary as they’ve gotten healthier and rested. This is a gut-check week against a sneakily dangerous opponent. We clearly can’t stop the pass. Ah, screw it! We’re taking the LEOS! Punt those points. The Lions are gonna get back on track, not unlike this Alaskan train I’m seeing on CBS Sunday Morning. How much is land in Alaska. Summers in Michigan are getting too hot for your boy. He might need to be summer cabin boy in Alaska boy. Lions minus the four points! Book it!
WEEK THIRTEEN GAMES THAT SPARK JOY
Chargers (-5) @ Patriots — Thrice bitten, four times shy? No way, brah. Stickin’ with the Chargers. I don’t care how frustrating they are. Is it weird that I’m making a pick like this during a segment about the national suicide epidemic? Macbare, lame joke. Also it’s worth mentioning that this is largely a pick against the Pats.
Cardinals (+6.5) @ Steelers — I think the Steelers making the very un-Steeler like move of a mid-season coordinator change is gonna unlock something for them on offense. Taking it to the next level, if you will. Not unlike the career of the person I’m watching being profiled right now, Taraji P. Henson. I think the Steelers are the 2023 NFL season’s Taraji P. Henson: versatile and continuously taking it up a level. They might be dangerous come January. The Steelers TCB today at home against Kyler & Co.
Chiefs (-6) @ Packers — This is a spite-y, vengeful, anti-Packers pick because Thanksgiving would’ve been perfect if it wasn’t for their Packer-y meddling. Sonsabitches. Anyway, Chiefs are due to get back on track on both sides of the ball. And they’re a team full of those weird type of football guys whose reverence of Lambeau is gonna bring out their best. Gimme the Chiefs to ruin a good time for a bunch of Wisconsinites.
Niners (-3) @ Eagles — I just don’t get how the Eagles are underdogs. I know the Niners are good, but the Eagles have, to me, pretty clearly demonstrated they’re reliably better so far this season. This line seems bananas! Gimme home dog Eagles every time.
Last week we went a near-pristine 4-1-0, our only loss coming at the hands of the Packers defeating the Lions and putting a sour pallor over T-Bird. Jerks. But that puts the season record at a chesty 38-20-1. Sorry for the quick week again. Maybe it’ll be like rest and I won’t really be able to catch up until after the holidays. What a fun time of year hahahaha!!!! </s> Go Lions and Auf Wiedersehen!
