No matter how many times I settle in for some NFL football, before the game I’ll always hear Hank Williams Jr. for a few seconds in my head, asking me if I’m indeed ready to do so. I answer, also in my head: Yes, I am ready, thank you.
12:24 EDT — Let’s set the table. Puppy has been made adequately tired through a vigorous morning’s worth of play. Snacks are gonna be more consolidated. The venerated Snyder’s of Hanover will be providing a ready bag of pretzels throughout the game, and we’re gonna do a halftime Brotzeit with some pickles, onions, landjaeger, cheeses (double Gloucester, gouda, white ched), aforementioned pretzels and a Paulaner. Lean Streamlined and mean for Week Two, as our beloved Lions will hopefully be as well.
12:31 — Important programming note: we’ll be switching to game clock for time notation as we did during the Chiefs game, but we’ll also be doing things a bit differently with regard to viewer experience. For at least the first quarter, we’ll have the television muted, using our local FM 97.1 broadcast for play-by-play and color. It’s a choice I often make. When you have the excellence of “Dapper” Dan Miller on the call alongside Lomas Brown it’s not hard to eschew the Fox crew, even when Fox is sending its “best”. But this is subject to change if I feel that luck demands a switch.
12:38 — The injury report isn’t great news for the Leos. Taylor Decker and Josh Paschal are out. We have decent depth to replace these dudes today (Sewell slides to LT, Matt Nelson replaces Sewell), but this could be part of the betting line shrinking to Lions -4.5. It was closer to a touchdown when the week began.
12:41 — Dan Campbell is asked in the radio’s pre-game interview about the Hawks scoring 99 combined points on us over the previous two meetings, and if your speakers are up loud enough you can hear Campbell’s blood pressure rise. It sounds as if someone is dangerously over-inflating a leather balloon.
12:49 — Having a mostly-useless pregame show on the TV while a useful, rapid-fire informative show plays out on the radio is an interesting juxtaposition. I think some sports television execs and (subsequently) their TV pregame shows would benefit from doing it.
12:52 — While the radio guys talk about how Carroll and Campbell will play some sort of super-chess in the special teams phase, I see Howie Long picks the Lions -4.5. I’m reminded of those bizarre RadioShack ads he used to do with Teri Hatcher. I think those ads made a lot of people who wouldn’t know better think Howie and Teri were married. And why was Howie casted as this tech-savvy know-it-all next to Teri’s haplessness? Unfair! I bet Teri Hatcher knows her shit.
12:56 — C.J. Gar-Jo leads the team out in his now-signature Honolulu blue ski mask. I salute the fans who actually wore that to the game for their dedication. I hope nobody in a blue ski mask commits a crime around the stadium right before people are about to leave this afternoon.
13:00 — Radio gives you coin toss while the TV runs ads. I hope the Seahawks call tails.
13:01 — They called tails. IDIOTS. It was heads. We’re starting on defense. With this crowd, that feels like a good call. Let’s get everyone turned up to 11 and set the tone early, yeah?
First Quarter
15:00 — Kickoff is at 13:03. Touchback for Geno-no-no-no and Seattle.
14:52 — A patently patient Kenneth Walker run goes for 13. Not a great start. It’s worth mentioning that when Walker plays on the same field as Aid Hutch, Walker’s team has won ’em all thus far. Let’s buck that trend today.
13:31 — A 12-man penalty gives the Hawks a free first down on 3rd-and-2. Oooof.
12:20 — A short pass to Walker yields another first down. The Seahwaks aren’t untalented. Their line is having an excellent start. It’s too early to be nervous, but not too early to be concerned.
10:35 — The crowd gets themselves on the board by forcing a false start. 2nd-and-14.
9:28 — On a 3rd-and-8, Geno-no completes to DK Metcalf inches from the endzone. Impressive opening drive from Seattle.
8:55 — The above reverse jinx works for another false start.
8:17 — Gar-Jo’s a little too peppery, committing a useless unnecessary roughness penalty on Walker negating what would’ve been a timely TFL. I’d say the Lions aren’t handling the adrenaline very well.
7:45 — A questionable interference call gives the Hawks 1st-and-Goal at the 1, but Walker’s bid to go over the top is submarined short.
7:04 — Walker succeeds on dive #2. Touchdown Seattle. Years of football expertise inform my opinion that it’ll prove tough to win if the defense doesn’t perform much better than that.
7:04 (still) — Time for Goff and the offense (henceforth “Goffense”) to keep pace, or at least give the defense ample time to sit down and think about what they just did.
6:36 — After an 8-yard opening salvo from Davey Montgomery, Goff goes to Iowa Sam for a tidy first down.
5:34 — Another solid first down run from Davey sets up a Goffie to Jah Gibbs for another quick first down. Rolling.
4:22 — On a free play, the Jared Goff-to-Josh Reynolds connection comes through for 20 yards. To quote the late Nikki Finke, “Toldja.” They’re locked in after their emotional plane ride. Cute best friends. Love it.
3:51 — TOUCHDOWN DETROIT LIONS! Goff-Reynolds again, this time with Reynolds absorbing a haymaker hit while hanging on into pay dirt. Tie game. En garde, Seahawks!
3:43 — Lions defense getting a little banged up, Kerby Joe is questionable to return. Geno does some Omaha-ing at the line before completing to Jaxon Smith-Njigba (henceforth “Jigba”).
1:41 — Hawks running looks hit or miss. When it’s miss, advantage Lions. Big third down coming up…
1:38 — And it fails!! Anzalone locks down Jigba after a very short completion. Hawks break first, Leos now to serve.
0:50 — As I eat a pretzel, Davey Montgomery makes a nice run and I think of how Davey Montgomery’s short Lions tenure has been like a pretzel: very reliable, gets the job done but not too flashy. Just solid.
0:00: Goffer goffs one over to Iowa Sam who rumbles ahead for a first down, a fitting end to a high-quality quarter of football.
Second Quarter
15:00 — Jah Gibbs up the middle on first down seems like an odd choice in a lot of different ways. It goes for two yards.
13:53 — Gibbs get 7 yards and 1 inch on a 3rd-and-7. Love to see it. These plays used to ALWAYS be 6-yard gains. Now we’re on the other side of that. Keep the fingers crossed.
12:38 — Sun God gets his first catch and erases a TFL given up on first down.
12:10 — And on the subsequent third down, Davey Montgomery goes up the middle like a maniac for a first down.
10:50 — Gibbs catches the ball with space in the flats, just like your boy wanted, and sets the Leos up beautifully with a 3rd-and-short.
9:36 — After the short 3rd saw us take a disastrous TFL, we go for it on fourth but the passed-over-by-the-Lions Devon Weatherspoon knocks down a Goff pass over the middle and we turn it over on downs. Ooofah.
8:55 — After two completions and what seems like no time at all, the Seahawks have the ball inside the Lion 30. Only an ill-advised corner pass slows Seattle down for the moment.
7:59 — On a hugely critical 3rd-and-10, the pressure finally chases Smith and he’s forced to chuck it goofy. Field goal time for the Hawks.
7:40 — YOOOOOO THAT’S NO GOOD. Seattle’s kicker has Tim Wakefield’s arm for a leg, the freak. What a weird kick. Tie game, Lions ball.
7:37 — Lions might need to feed Montgomery more. He’s 6 yards a carry almost every time.
7:00 — Sun God. First down catch. Rinse and repeat! The offense can look downright methodical! In a good way.
5:35 — Jah Gibbs makes actually makes guys look silly when they miss. He’s not Barry but he’s Barry-esque.
4:51 — TOUCHDOOOOOWN DETROIT LIONS!!! A flea-flicker!!! Goff to Wiz Kalif! What a great call by Ben Johnson; as stated above, the team looked methodical. Plays were effective but we playing conservatively. Perfect zig-zag to let it rip like that. 36-yard score. Good guys up 14-7. Let’s come back strong on a rested deef.
Commercial Break — gonna stay on radio audio for the time being, though the radio’s call is like 3 seconds ahead of FOX’s video. Things feel strange here.
4:44 — C.J. Gar-Jo wraps up Walker for no gain. He absolutely flew in from the safety spot. If he plays this way all season he’ll be one of the best pickups of the year.
3:23 — Gotta give it up for Geno-no-no, completing a nice throw to Jigba after pressure flushed him out on 3rd-and-1. Let’s hope this reverse jinxing works?
1:50 — After the deef forces Geno out early and make it 4th-and-3, Seattle tries and fails to make the Lions jump offside. The reliable discipline is completely foreign to seasoned fans of this team.
1:10 — The Lions aren’t showing great urgency after receiving a Seattle punt, and a Goff pass bounced off Jah Gibbs’s hands. Quickly, it’s 3rd down.
0:50 — Jack Fox & The Silver Liners come through huge with a 53-yard, unreturned punt. Seattle’s at their own 36. Let’s keep this lead.
0:19 — Props to Carroll for good clock management on this last drive. Giving themselves a good shot at a field goal. Reverse jinx, flow through me.
0:02 — The reverse jinx did not work. But you know what else didn’t work? The Seattle kicker and his clearly Frankenstein-made Wakefield leg. NO GOOD! Good guys still up 7 at…
HALFTIME — The “tiring out the puppy” thing worked really well for the first half but her batteries appear completely recharged for the second. The quality of the running diary is not something on which one should be bullish. On the plus side, I excelled at my snack set-up. Prost indeed.
Third Quarter
14:54 — In what I think would be the third-worst possible start to the second half, Davey fumbles his opening carry and the Hawks have the ball inside the Detroit 25. Either the injury cascade has made the right side of the O-Line a little weak, or how bad was the locker room halftime talk?
14:16 — After a nice toss from Geno on the right, the next play sees another classic Walker run to the left where he’s initially stymied at the line but fast enough to bounce it outside, even after that becomes the obvious path of least resistance. A very quick touchdown for Seattle. Tie game. Son of a dingbat.
14:09 — Sun God with a stupid good catch to cross into Seattle territory. He’s even better than people think, which is saying something. And an absolute beaut from the Goffer.
12:57 — A penalty set up the Lions to have a long screen pass get into the end zone, but it’s negated by an offensive pass interference call on Reynolds far away from the play. An awful, awful call. Perhaps it’s technically a correct one, but still. C’mon.
12:05 — Sun God makes up most of the penalty with a nifty slant over the middle but he’s slow to get up and ginger to jog off. Oh dear.
10:58 — After Davey is tackeld to make it 4th-and-3, Goffman does a mini-reverse flip to Sun God and the Leos convert.
10:25 — Give the Seahawks credit, they’ve adjusted well to our run game and have largely bottled up the middle. Impressive, considering the way were punishing them early in the game.
9:05 — I didn’t even mean to use the previous entry as a reverse jinx, but Davey just ran it right up the gut for a TOUCHDOOOOOWN DETROIT LIONS!!! What a resilient drive by the boys. Back up 7!
Commercial Break — Puppy has learned to climb full flights of stairs, which is moderately exciting but also requires an increased vigilance.
7:27 — On a 3rd-and-2, Smith inexplicably throws a 4.5 foot pass to Tyler Locket. They’re going for it on fourth…
7:20 — And they get it on a Kenneth Walker Hesitation Special. That dude is just effective. He’s kind of like Emmitt Smith with a sixth gear.
5:34 — Several steady doses of Walker and the Seahawks march quickly into the red zone. The pressure is getting better on Geno’s dropbacks, but the run defense just hasn’t had many answers for Walker.
3:43 — On 2nd-and-goal Kerby Joe gets called for interference, but it’s offset by a D.K. Metcalf facemask! Big break for the boys. Actually, on replay, we might’ve gotten jobbed. There was little interference.
3:29 — On 3rd-and-goal, the defense stands tall and knocks away a Jigba grab. Let’s see if Wakefield Leg can knuckle one in…
3:27 — He can. 21-17 Good Guys. That was a solid stand from the defense. Offense needs to hold serve and we can start to make them feel the pressure.
2:55 — Goff completes to Davey for a first down, he’s now 17-of-20. Goff has improved so much over the course of his career it’s remarkable.
0:27 — After Gibbs can’t go up in the middle on 3rd-and-2 (a growing concern), we go for it on 4th and Josh Reynolds gets absolutely, 100% tripped up by Dev Weatherspoon but the flags stay in the ref pockets. Bad ref moments are something I’d briefly forgotten about. This is the first one of the season. Seattle ball with the opportunity to take the lead at the end of the third quarter.
Fourth Quarter
14:53 — Not feeling so well about this game at the moment, Seattle has the ball and a lot of the momentum, and we’re picking up injuries all over the place. On cue, a missed tackle leads to their TE stumbling his way to a first down.
13:11 — On what looked like a case of route miscommunication, the refs inexplicably call an intentional grounding on Geno, who wasn’t even really being pressured. Maybe a make up call. We’ll take it?
12:24 — The Seahawks make it back from that weird penalty, Geno converts with his legs but an illegal formation penalty brings it back and makes them re-do it at 3rd-and-10. Their frustration/bewilderment forces a Seahawks time-out.
11:55 — The lack of pressure from the D-Line is undoing the Lions. In the rare instances they get close, Geno’s quick release and escapability ensures he doesn’t take a sack. He converts the 3rd-and-10 comfortably.
10:38 — A terrific pitch-and-catch from a well-protected Geno to a cross-field Tyler Lockett, and the Seahawks regain the lead. The pressure cooker is turned up high at Ford Field. We’ll see if the Leos can remain composed like last week, down 3 as we enter crunch time.
10:24 — After hearing tell that Davey won’t be returning for this game, two more O-Linemen go down on a fruitless first-down effort. Things aren’t looking great.
9:31 — Goff eludes the pressure as good as he ever has, making a nice toss to Reynolds for a critical conversion on 3rd-and-3.
8:05 — Oh good heavens no. Goff has his first errant throw of the game, and first truly bad throw in a quite awhile, and it’s housed for a Seahawks touchdown. The third longest interception-less streak in NFL history is over, and the Lions are suddenly down 10. I don’t feel well.
7:56 — A nice flip to Raymond goes for 9, and Goff takes a total cheap shot from a Seahawks LB for an additional 15. That was a dangerous, extraordinarily late hit. And he’s mocking the Goffmeister with a crying gesture? Not cool bro!
6:50 — After a sack and some misfortune led to a dire-looking 3rd-and-13, Iowa Sam comes through huge with some post-catch tackle-breaking. We certainly have a lot of fight left in us.
4:22 — Iowa Sam LaPorta with another excellent reception and run-after! This guy could be seriously awesome. He looks like if Ben Roethlisberger played tight end. Just can’t get knocked down, has to be dragged and felled.
3:08 — TOUCHDOOOOOWN DETROIT LIONS! The Goff-Reynolds connection is displayed yet again. All three timeouts left, back to within 3. The defense has to go totally bananas, right now, for the first time all game.
2:52 — Pressure got there, but Geno cleverly evaded and gained a yard. This is a close game.
2:17 — An clock-stopping incomplete pass after a tip from Hutch! Even when he’s not getting sacks, he’s an impactful player. He wills it so. 3rd-and-8.
2:11 — A conversion gets erased by an offensive p.i. call on caveman-looking tight end who caught it. 3rd-and-18, blame it on the caveman.
1:57 — Holy Smokes! Going into the 2-minute warning, Geno goes Geno-no-no-nooo and takes an enormous, 17-yard sack! Anzalone came up late and erased him. We’re gonna get it back in terrific field position and see if we can’t steal this one late.
1:44 — A boomer of a punt, but a terrific return from the Wiz Kalif. Right at the 50. Here we go!!
1:34 — Goffie to Reynolds again for 12. The Lions looks kinda casual considering the circumstances, but what do I know.
1:00 — A fake-dive end-around secures field goal range.
0:25 — We’ll get two (at least) shots at the end zone before being forced to take the kick.
0:02 — Goff settles for a short pass to Jah Gibbs, and the Lions play for overtime on the foot of Riley Patterson from 38 yards out…
0:00 — AND IT’S GOOOOOOD!!!! Extra football!
Overtime
10:00 — Seattle calls tails again. Weirdly enough, they win this time. I don’t understand the world at all when stuff like that happens.
9:30 — The Lions have to make the game feel more hectic when they’re on D. Geno looks very comfy. Empty the clip, Glenn!
8:27 — 3rd-and-long, deep drop but Detroit pressure is completely absent and Geno converts with a crisp throw. Story of the afternoon, really. The Lions don’t have a lot of answers when they can’t out-tough the opponent. I just don’t think many Lions fans thought that would ever be an issue.
5:42 — Ooooooofff. That one stings. Hutch went crazy and finally got in there quickly even while being egregiously held, but Geno winged a great toss to Tyler Lockett who smacked the pylon for a walk-off touchdown. Dang. Dang it!
End of Game
Well, it could’ve gone better. We could’ve won. But, like last week, we left a lot of meat on the bone. Three turnovers led to 14 Seattle points. Those mistakes combined with a slew of untimely injuries (especially to Davey) achieved critical mass that a plucky, never-say-die attitude couldn’t overcome.
