At long last, we’re here. I mean “at long last” in the general, IRL sense; there’s no “at long last” relative to the life of this really, really excellent Detroit Lions blog. It’s only been around for a short time. At long last in the sense of relative IRL time, we’re here. Week One! We’re gonna start with a Lions/Chiefs tale of the tape-ish preview before revealing some (as always, 100% guaranteed correct) picks from the other notable games. Let me kick out the jams:
LIONS v. CHIEFS Tape Tale
Lions passing/Chiefs secondary: It’s a shame we don’t have Jame Willy suiting up. Despite his absence I still give the Lions a slight edge. Sun God is getting a lot of pre-season hype but I feel like tonight is Kalif Raymond’s national cotillion.
Lions running/Chiefs front seven: at the moment, Brett Veach seems as unimpeachable as a GM can be. But not having Chris Jones in this game will absolutely hurt. Chief ‘backers are solid, not world-beaters. I again give the Lions a good edge, mostly because of this next matchup:
Lions O-Line/Chiefs Deef: the strength of the Detroit Lions is my favorite strength a team can have. I foresee great protection for Goff, smartly-called pulls and traps, and a proverbially manhandling performance from our vaunted large uglies. We’ll see what we get from the tight ends, but other than that this group checks all the boxes. Lions have a sizeable edge when it comes to the O-Line.
Chiefs passing/Lions secondary: Trav Kelce won’t be 100% if he plays, but I’m not sure it matters. While the Lions have greatly improved this soft spot from last season, we’re still playing Mahomes in an Andy Reid offense. He’s quite good, even against the best, and we’re not the best. This matchup gives the Chiefs a strong edge.
Chiefs running/Lions front seven: This might 1) be closer than initially thought, and 2) the fulcrum on which this game tips. The Lions had great trouble defending the run last year, not so much against top-tier RBs but more against QBs with improv scootability (not a missed space typo). But keep an eye out for Alim McNeill, who looked like a determined monster in camp. I think Glenn will have our guys ready. Call it a push.
Chiefs O-Line/Lions Deef: aside from his shrewd drafting, the aforementioned Veach did a laudable job getting guys to fix their O-line after Tampa waxed ’em in Supe 55. I think this matchup comes down to discipline. The Lions would’ve beat the Eagles Week One last year if they stayed home and pursued with a bit more discipline. Hair-on-fire motoring will only open things up for Mahomes, which probably opens up everything else. Regrettably I must give the Chiefs a slight edge when they’re on O.
Coach’s Coaching Chess: I’m in the minority in that I generally love Dan Campbell’s aggressive decision-making. Plenty has been said of Ben Johnson’s impressive acumen. But Andy Reid is an HOFer, that’s not nothing. And Steve Spagnuolo’s calling card is being an in-game D-Line maestro. It’s possible our coaches could out-fox the Chiefs tonight, but I don’t think it’s very likely. Give the Chiefs a tiny edge.
The pick: For more than 60 years minus truly weird anomalies, this pick was obvious. You’d take the Chiefs going away. And if you’re half-paying attention, you’d think the Lions might be smelling themselves due to an off-season of hype. But it’s been so much hype that the pendulum has swung back the other way; the doubting and nay-saying hot-takers (“the Lions are already in the Super Bowl waaaahahahaha!”) are at critical mass. I feel confident that the 2023 Detroit Lions have the proverbial horses and they’ll all be razor-sharp tonight. Lions win by 4.
WEEK 1 NOTABLES
Niners (-2.5) @ Steelers — The Steelers will be solid as usual. But the Niners are really great. They also seem completely unfazed, maybe even burnished, by road games. I trust steady Purdy and the heartiest 53-man roster in the league. Leave your heart there, then lay the points in the name of San Francisco.
Jaguars (-5) @ Colts — Another home ‘dog, but I don’t trust the Colts to do anything right since that in-season Hard Knocks a couple seasons ago. The overconfident and straight weird energy pelted me through the screen. And the Jags can ball. I think they score at least 28. Colts ain’t getting to 23. That advanced math checks out for Jacksonville.
Texans (+10) @ Ravens — The Ravens are solid everywhere, and while I don’t see them having a dream season, in the first week I see a team of veterans that will craft a veteran-y, business-like win over a rookie-heavy team that’ll let their first game get to their heads a little bit. I like a hungry crowd and a “check out why I get paid” Lamar enough to lay 10 for Baltimore.
Bengals (-2.5) @ Browns — We’re taking the home ‘dog dawgs in their home pound based solely on twisted vibes logic. I think the Bengals are so cool they’re dorky, much like the cigars of which Burrow is so fond. The Browns had a quiet, steady offseason and have solid players all over the place. Super Pimp Cleve plus some points over Skyline. I don’t normally reference Ohio so cheekily. Ohio mostly sucks.
That’s a Week One preview done and dusted. Enjoy the opener, enjoy the Sunday. Come back tomorrow to read a running diary chronicling my viewing of the former. Auf Wiedersehen (next week is Oktoberfest in Frankenmuth)!
